Friday, April 30, 2010

Ah, Connecticut. What you've done to me.

I left everything I've ever known to experience all that I ever cared about. My reaction to living in Connecticut without any friends has surprised me.

Now, 7 months have past. I have a good job, we've found a pretty good Church- we enjoy being married...and I can't help but wonder what happens next.

I keep seeing all of these facebook statuses that read ; "I'm pregnant!" "We just bought our first house!" "Graduating today!" I'm finding it hard to feel content when it seems that everyone else's lives are changing, growing, progressing. I have to remind myself that- my entire life I had dreamed of being married. The actual wedding, but mostly just having a Husband. God has given me the desire of my heart and I don't need to constantly be looking for the next thing to happen. Why can't I just be content?

I also have noticed that seasons seem to blend together these days. Everyone is so excited for summer vacation-beaches, lemonade, tanning, outdoor activities. I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Living in an apartment, we don't exactly have privacy. I can't lay outside and soak up the sun like I used to. No more kicking balls around an open yard, hitting a tennis ball back and forth with my sister in the huge open parking lot. Bonfires in the back yard. I just feel like this summer is going to come and go and I won't get to experience it. Woe is me.

I have no friends here. It seems like it would be easier, doesn't it? I mean...I'm pretty outgoing, I'd like to think that I'm a nice person. But I can't seem to find anyone who shares commonalities with me- that has time to build a new friendship. As I've mentioned to a few people, I'd even be okay with not making any new friends. I'd love to just "old" friends around. I so, so, so miss them. Everyone has busy lifestyles these days and it's hard to snatch a phone conversation, texts that aren't longer than 3 words, emails that have substance. It stinks.

I love being married. If I had it my way, we'd move out of the country and just be, US. Live off the land...explore, adventure, love. Kyle has made me see most of my flaws :) *Laughs* It's nice. I appreciate it. I can see more where I'm selfish, crabby, impatient, insensitive, demanding- all more often than I'd like to admit. Sometimes, I tell people that Kyle is one of the reasons I know God actually exists.

Well, that was my rant for now. We'll see how well I keep up with a blog.


Yasi said...

We're also picking up and moving across the state right after we get married. I have a feeling I'm going to be going through a lot of what you are/went through.
I'm sad/nervous about not knowing anybody in our (new) area!


Paula said...

I find your blog very interesting....but not so unusual.....take time to enjoy what is happening right now, because before you know it, it will be yesterday and you have lost the chance. Believe me, I know. There are so many yesterdays that I can't even recall anymore and I wish I would have taken the time to absorb more rather than wishing for a better tomorrow.