Friday, May 28, 2010

Brutal? Honesty? You got it!

After reading a friend's (I guess you could call her a friend. Her name is Meggan, we talk on facebook rarely. Went to college together and hardly talked then- but for the sake of this blog, we'll say we're friends.) blog, I felt compelled to write my second.

She talked about how essentially most people are living in this world as fakies. Buying things with money they don't have, being people they aren't and whatnot. I found this to be...well, truth.

I'm guilty of this as well, being "fake", I suppose.

This blog is going to be me basically chucking who I am at you, and you can take it and do what you will.

So let's begin, shall we?

I'd like to tell all of you that I'm incredibly optomistic and full of bubbly attitudes and responses. But that wouldn't be the truth.

The truth is, I can be a really negative person. About myself and about life in general sometimes. I'm just critical. I don't know where this attribute came from...perhaps a heartbreak earlier in life? Or maybe thinking too much? Or more likely, not trusting God enough?

I am not very self confident. At all.

I don't like my short neck, my short stature, my weight, my nose, my feet, my fingers, the wrinkles on my face, my name it, I've disliked it. I guess this is pretty common for most woman, so if you're reading this and a woman- you're probably thinking, "Yep, exactly." But if you're not thinking that, then...good for you.

On the same note, if you're looking through some of my latest photo albums on facebook and thinking or saying, "Wow. Amanda really looks like she's pudged out!" Then yes, you're right. I have. I like to eat. And because of that, I do eat. And because I like to eat, eat, and then eat too much...I gain weight, naturally.

But don't worry you health nuts out there! I'm working on it.

I stress about almost everything, half the time I don't even realize I'm stressing. My mind works a million miles a minute and I can literally think of a dozen different scenerios that could happen by simply going five miles down the road to the post office. In turn, I get panic attacks which most of you know about. And they're not fun. At all.

But, I really only get panic attacks while I'm at Church- isn't that interesting?

Up until recently, I didn't know what a friend collector was. After someone made a comment about my having a lot of friends on facebook- I checked it out, and sure enough- I have quite a few facebook friends. Some I've met once, some I saw across the room at a mutual friend's wedding, and some I've never met at all.

I love looking at pictures. Wedding pictures, Baby pictures, Engagement pictures, Home decor pictures, if it spues "life", I'm there. Lurking.

So I like making new friends, and stalking their pictures...what gives?!

I have a seriously big bone to pick with anyone who abuses their pet in any way, shape, or form. This may include, yelling at your pet for something they can't control, taking pleasure in kicking your pet, leaving your pet outside in ridiculous weather conditions, or yanking on their collar/leash WAY too hard.

My fists tighten, my blood boils.

Kyle has actually made me promise not to do/say anything that could get myself hurt in return. (Such as stopping the guy walking his pitbull through our neighborhood and cheerily asking, "Hey, you don't train that dog to fight...right? No? Well, good. I'd hate to have to hunt you down and get you in BIG trouble. Have a nice day....") :-)

This one may surprise you, make you upset, or just make you question my sanity. All of which are fine.

I truly believe, with my whole heart- That you can look at the opposite sex and not make any thought or comment about their looks. And yes guys, even YOU can do this. I recently read a book that determined that I'm not insane afterall.

Looking & lusting is like having an affair with that person. Cheating on your girlfriend or your Spouse. It's not okay, people.

Kyle and I have a very open marriage and neither of us have a problem inquiring in whether or not one of us was looking a little too long at the opposite gender. Then we discuss it, work it out, and continue on the road to having a pure marriage.

I'm so blessed to have married someone that agrees with me on these things.

I mean come on now, I'm not living in a make believe world where (these days) a ring seals the deal to eternal bliss and my husband is untouchable. Yeah right! I'm keeping my guard up, and NO woman is getting passed it.

Because I feel that it's a definite possibility that God may return soon, I often question my future. I wonder if I'll ever have kids, or get the chance to make that dream trip to Ireland. I wonder if I'll be tazed by some random stranger as I'm minding my own business, walking down the street. I wonder if I'll be homeless by next year, searching the streets for my next meal. You just never know what could happen, and I find myself wondering all the time...

I'm sure I could think of much more to add to this list. But, maybe I'll save that for blog #3.

Keep it Real!


Meggan said...

Love it! And I'm seriously lurking your blog now too :)

Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

kristin said...

I just wanted to shoot a note over to you as one of those who we met once or twice...had a good conversation at work then went seperate ways... I look at your pictures and smile at your amazing beauty inside and out... I came across this blog while 'lurking' on your page. It has seriously made my day! Im SOO glad to know that I am not alone out there in the world. I love looking at pictures of happyness all around. Me and Sherwin strive everyday to have a healthy pure marraige. I think of what will happen if I never see my daughter go to school.. or get married. I trust in God that he will take care of me and my family. I just wanted to stop by and say that your words inspired me today to keep up that positive attidue. Your amazing! I know this from the little we do know each other!