Adulthood: Marriage, Cable, Babies, Snow & Crazy Pills

Hello World.

I'm sitting at the Longman's home, on the edge of my seat, waiting for that cry. "Hellooo! I'm awake! Come get me and feed me and change me and love me."

I've been working for the Longman's for a few weeks now. Baby Jeremiah is precious. He's got these big chubby cheeks that I adore and I melt every time he grins at me.
As I watch him: His attempts to roll over, his little lips curling downwards as he contemplates crying, his hunger as he gobbles down his warm 4 ounces: I imagine having my own child.

I truly feel like I'm getting closer and closer to that "Yes. I'm ready to have no sleep, no quick B&B trips...and yes, I'm ready to never have to say goodbye to a little one, again. Instead- I'll be able to see them all the way through adulthood- instead of leaving them when they're still toddlers and infants. And yes, I'm ready to see my own child reach those milestones. Smiling, giggling, sleeping through the night, rolling over, teeth, crawling, walking, running...talking.
It's so amazing.

I feel like our Marriage is becoming stronger.
We went to a b&b this past weekend for some MUCH needed relaxation. It was exactly what we needed. Although we prefer more secluded b&b's- this one was comfortable and romantic. We stayed at a place called Stronecroft Inn.
On our way home, I realized that instead of using the knowledge we have of each other to push each other's buttons...we're finally grasping the concept of using that knowledge...to better each other's lives. What a concept, right?!
I feel that we're working towards our Honeymoon stage.
Our first year of Marriage, as previously blogged, has been all about sacrifice and changing and learning and growing. It's been about giving up friendships and comfort. I feel as though my health plummeted and Kyle beared the brunt of it a lot of the time.
I'm pleased to say that- we aren't worried about losing the honeymoon stage- we're still working our way towards it, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

We're cancelling our cable today. We're going to try a new product called Roku, I believe. I'm not really a super technologically advanced person- but we're supposed to be able to stream movies directly from netflix and hulu- so we can still watch everything we would on tv, anyway. This way we'll save on renting/buying movies and $50 a month for cable. Sounds good to me!
It's weird learning about the sacrifices we have to make in order to make things run smoothly with our finances.
But I have to say, it feels pretty good.

I don't know about where you are- but here, we've been bombarded with snow storms. A few completely overrated and a few others, pretty decent. We're supposed to get more snow and ice in the next two days. I'm kind of excited for it, to be honest.
Work has already been cancelled for me and I find a thrill in being stuck inside our little apartment with our two kitties. Watching movies, sipping hot chocolate- and my new obsession, making lists. I like shoveling too. I like knowing that I'm working towards getting our car out of a huge snow pile. Or shoveling the sidewalk so that it's visable and walkable. I like scraping the ice and snow off of Kyle's car- knowing that I'm helping him save time & energy. I have a little competition with myself, just to see how clean I can get it in the 10 minutes I have before Kyle needs to leave.
I'm a nerd, I already know.
As much as I love getting stuck indoors for a day- it does kind of concern me that Connecticut really has no where to put this incoming snow. Their roads are getting smaller and smaller and the snow mounds are getting higher and higher. At some stops, it's hard to see past the snow piles and comfortably pull out.
In the Midwest- there are fields everywhere. There are plenty of places to put the snow. But they don't have that advantage here and it makes me nervous for what that means for the people who have to travel in the next few days.

I'm officially taking Zoloft.
Sigh.
I met with a APRN a week ago and had to answer all of the questions ranging from, "Do you feel like people know your thoughts?" to " How's your sex drive been lately?"
I must say- I never thought I would be in this position. The position of taking a prescription drug to help me control anxiety- because I can't seem to do it on my own.
I'm still not completely comfortable with the idea- but a week has passed and I've had no allergic reactions and I've felt...good. Comfortable. And I can finally feel me coming through again. Which is a fantastic feeling. You really, really have no idea.

I've started an online Bible Study group with a few girls.
None of whom I've actually met in person, which bums me out, but they're all wonderful and I find a kindred spirit with each of them. So far, we've already opened up a bit to each other, shared devotionals and prayer requests- and I have felt so encouraged.
I hope that we eventually can plan a girls weekend and meet up. It feels good to finally meet girls that have something in common with me. I hate that they're so far away- but I'll take it.

Alright, all of you.
Take care. Stay warm.

Until next time!

Me

Meaningless.

I was craving oven-roasted red potatoes today. A little rosemary, a little sea salt, pepper...olive oil, garlic. Sounds good, right?
I don't know if it was the potatoes and the fact that when I peeled them they were half frozen but...I just finished eating the product of an hour of roasting...and it was NOT delish. Ugh.

I've been reading Ecclesiastes in the Bible- and I'm loving it! The Author isn't necessarily pessimistic, although it can be taken that way- but I'm some how finding a kindred spirit with this guy. (Maybe because I'm pretty pessimistic, myself?) He basically is talking about how life, aside from a Christ-cenetered life, is meaningless. Trying to make a name for yourself, trying to figure out life, trying to gain all of this wisdom and knowledge....is meaningless. It's been done before. In the end we all have the same "destiny"....death. Hah.
It just made me feel like....as much as I try to control every little detail of my day, my week...my future. It's completely pointless. At the end of the day, I still won't know what's coming. You know what I mean?

Speaking of trying to be in control.
That's me.
All the time.
So not only have I experienced depression for the first time in my life since being married, but I'm also beginning to see how much anxiety is pent up inside me.
I make myself sound...so, so pleasant, right? I promise I'm not a terribly horrible, shell of person. I'm definitely emotional. And I definitely can't handle change well.
So, I have a doctor's appointment coming up and I'm going to see about being put on some kind of medication.
As much as I hate that- it's just one of those things. I feel like I've slowly become this irritable, emotional, controlling young woman. (Again, with the pleasantries...)
Well, that's not who I want to be.
And if I need a little help smoothing out my anxiety about change...so be it.

Just a little update on what changes ARE occuring in my life...
*I'm beginning a new Nanny position part-time next week. I'm a little nervous about it, naturally. It's a change. Not to mention I've been with the Leveille Family for a little over a year. I'm comfortable. I'm content. I know my way around the house, I know what is expected. And now I'm starting over.
Not to mention, I'll also be continuing work for The Leveille's until the end of February- just to help transition Gray into daycare full-time.
* Kyle is going back to the Mall on Saturdays.
I won't go into full detail as it's a pretty tender topic for me, but I will say: I'm so thankful for a Husband who is willing to talk and compromise with me.
* I've been having a little anxiety about a new year. The pessimist in me is coming out, and I feel worried that because I've had so many great years. Being SO blessed...that something bad will happen this year. Isn't that a horrible way to feel? But it's true, and I'm being honest.
* In general, any little change in my idea of what the day will be like, makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Drugs? Yes, please!

So guess what?
I'm actually doing pretty well with watching my health. Which is saying a lot.
I've found that (my new guilty pleasure) looking through health/fitness/fashion magazines gives me motivation to work-out, to try new makeup options, hairstyles, and well, blog.
I've been drinking green tea like nobody's business, doing some sort of working out every day, and watching my portions.
I don't know that I've really lost too much weight, but I feel better about myself.
And that's a good thing, for sure.

Another guilty pleasure of mine is watching the Bravo channel. I enjoy most of the shows. Tabitha's Salon Take Over, The Real Housewives, Top Chef, & The Millionaire Matchmaker.
I always find myself thinking, "Wow...people are really like that? Scary." But yet, so intriguing.

Princess Boy.
What do *you* think?

I'm not entirely sure, but Kyle and I have a pretty different kind of 20-something year old, marriage. I think?
We like to look at I-Spy books before bed. Or watch episodes of "I Love Lucy". Or The Thin Man. We research nearly every movie before we rent/go see it. There are just too many things (specifically half naked women) in movies coming out these days that I feel like....I *have* to guard my Marriage if I want to keep it. (Obviously this goes far beyond movies...but, "these days" in general.)
We love going on drives around the town we live in.
We love looking up funny videos on youtube.
And all of this, I love. I love having an intimate, different kind of marriage.
We don't have to always be out and around. We don't have to party it up. We just have...each other. And we're happy.

I'm sure there is so much more I could say, as usual. But there comes a point while I'm blogging, that I just draw a blank. And that point as come now. And that means...blog time is over.

Until next time!