Meaningless.

I was craving oven-roasted red potatoes today. A little rosemary, a little sea salt, pepper...olive oil, garlic. Sounds good, right?
I don't know if it was the potatoes and the fact that when I peeled them they were half frozen but...I just finished eating the product of an hour of roasting...and it was NOT delish. Ugh.

I've been reading Ecclesiastes in the Bible- and I'm loving it! The Author isn't necessarily pessimistic, although it can be taken that way- but I'm some how finding a kindred spirit with this guy. (Maybe because I'm pretty pessimistic, myself?) He basically is talking about how life, aside from a Christ-cenetered life, is meaningless. Trying to make a name for yourself, trying to figure out life, trying to gain all of this wisdom and knowledge....is meaningless. It's been done before. In the end we all have the same "destiny"....death. Hah.
It just made me feel like....as much as I try to control every little detail of my day, my week...my future. It's completely pointless. At the end of the day, I still won't know what's coming. You know what I mean?

Speaking of trying to be in control.
That's me.
All the time.
So not only have I experienced depression for the first time in my life since being married, but I'm also beginning to see how much anxiety is pent up inside me.
I make myself sound...so, so pleasant, right? I promise I'm not a terribly horrible, shell of person. I'm definitely emotional. And I definitely can't handle change well.
So, I have a doctor's appointment coming up and I'm going to see about being put on some kind of medication.
As much as I hate that- it's just one of those things. I feel like I've slowly become this irritable, emotional, controlling young woman. (Again, with the pleasantries...)
Well, that's not who I want to be.
And if I need a little help smoothing out my anxiety about change...so be it.

Just a little update on what changes ARE occuring in my life...
*I'm beginning a new Nanny position part-time next week. I'm a little nervous about it, naturally. It's a change. Not to mention I've been with the Leveille Family for a little over a year. I'm comfortable. I'm content. I know my way around the house, I know what is expected. And now I'm starting over.
Not to mention, I'll also be continuing work for The Leveille's until the end of February- just to help transition Gray into daycare full-time.
* Kyle is going back to the Mall on Saturdays.
I won't go into full detail as it's a pretty tender topic for me, but I will say: I'm so thankful for a Husband who is willing to talk and compromise with me.
* I've been having a little anxiety about a new year. The pessimist in me is coming out, and I feel worried that because I've had so many great years. Being SO blessed...that something bad will happen this year. Isn't that a horrible way to feel? But it's true, and I'm being honest.
* In general, any little change in my idea of what the day will be like, makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Drugs? Yes, please!

So guess what?
I'm actually doing pretty well with watching my health. Which is saying a lot.
I've found that (my new guilty pleasure) looking through health/fitness/fashion magazines gives me motivation to work-out, to try new makeup options, hairstyles, and well, blog.
I've been drinking green tea like nobody's business, doing some sort of working out every day, and watching my portions.
I don't know that I've really lost too much weight, but I feel better about myself.
And that's a good thing, for sure.

Another guilty pleasure of mine is watching the Bravo channel. I enjoy most of the shows. Tabitha's Salon Take Over, The Real Housewives, Top Chef, & The Millionaire Matchmaker.
I always find myself thinking, "Wow...people are really like that? Scary." But yet, so intriguing.

Princess Boy.
What do *you* think?

I'm not entirely sure, but Kyle and I have a pretty different kind of 20-something year old, marriage. I think?
We like to look at I-Spy books before bed. Or watch episodes of "I Love Lucy". Or The Thin Man. We research nearly every movie before we rent/go see it. There are just too many things (specifically half naked women) in movies coming out these days that I feel like....I *have* to guard my Marriage if I want to keep it. (Obviously this goes far beyond movies...but, "these days" in general.)
We love going on drives around the town we live in.
We love looking up funny videos on youtube.
And all of this, I love. I love having an intimate, different kind of marriage.
We don't have to always be out and around. We don't have to party it up. We just have...each other. And we're happy.

I'm sure there is so much more I could say, as usual. But there comes a point while I'm blogging, that I just draw a blank. And that point as come now. And that means...blog time is over.

Until next time!