Thursday, July 3, 2014

Getting Fat.

My Husband approached me the other day and let me know that he was speaking for everyone when he said, "I'm going to quit following your blog soon if you don't post something new."

Alright, then! New blog post it is.

I've really gone back and forth (as I usually do, even over the simplest topics) about whether or not to write about my weight loss, adventure, we'll call it. I feel like the majority of my Facebook news feed is either about Hobby Lobby, World Cup, or losing weight.

Losing weight is great and I love that others are sharing and inspiring others, myself included. But I feel like after awhile it becomes a broken record. "Yayyy, another pound! Good job!"

So this blog is for me to kind of check in and let you know where I'm coming from, where I'm at, and where I'm hoping to go. And then, with the exception of close friends, kind of leave it at that.

(End of 2009 vs Mid 2012 when I was reaching my heaviest)

I've always been a fairly typical girl in looking at my reflection in the mirror and feeling like it could look better. But, until I was married I never really cared or stressed over it.

I've become one of those people that you see in a photo and think, "Wow! What happened there??"

 So, let me explain what happened "there".

When I got married, I blissfully moved to Connecticut with the intention of new friends, new family, new life...and everything would go smoothly and perfectly.
While I had a job set in stone- it didn't begin for 3-4 months after we were married and moved into our apartment. I didn't know my way around and had to wait for Kyle, who was working 9:30am-11pm every day except Sunday, to take me to the DMV to get my license straightened out and change over my plates on the car.
So, I was out of transportation for a good while.

I remember deciding to be brave and explore my neighborhood for the first time. Back in Michigan, when you see someone outside- you wave or say hello. Sometimes, you even stop and have a full on conversation.
But not in Connecticut.
Instead of a polite wave and hello back- I received a weak smile and someone turning and walking back into their house as if I were about to rob them.

That set the tone for a whirlwind of anxiety, doubt, depression...and weight gain.

Late night eating-  because I felt like it was my only time with Kyle. So we'd eat big meals at 11:30 pm. Anxiety over fitting in with my new family, starting a new job, having trouble finding a Church and new friends...all the while trying to be a good, new wife- took it's toll big time.

I never really watched my weight, obviously.
Every once in awhile I would see a photo and think "Hm! I can't allow myself to get any bigger."
But literally every time I acknowledged bad eating habits- I'd tell myself  "I deserve this because..." or "Just one more night of this and then I'll start working out tomorrow..." and two handfuls of other excuses I would make for myself.

It started at the beginning of this Year when I tried a 7 day cleanse. I lost 5lbs and only made it 4 days into the cleanse. But, that 5lb start was enough to motivate me, albeit slowly, to make small changes.
I started using our stationary bike 4 days a Week and going on walks with Kyle in the evenings. I noticed some differences- but I was still really struggling with my food intake because I was so focused on working out.

I did an App on the iPhone that was helpful- but I hit a two week slump. Right after the slump, I sprained my ankle.
Panic set in because I wouldn't be able to work out. And so in the days where I sat with my leg propped up, I began to search Youtube for healthy lifestyle videos and ending up finding several channels that had lots of healthy recipe ideas.

So although I couldn't workout- I was able to take the other problem, food, and start to focus on what I was doing wrong and where I could change. Turns out, there were a ton of ways I could change.

I've been doing little things- avoiding a lot bread, eating smaller portions, using more olive oil instead of butter, I drink coffee rarely and have focused my diet on fruits, veggies, and proteins with some grains thrown in.

It's been a slow process for me, very slow. My Mom had warned me several years ago that I have a similar metabolism/body type as she does- and losing weight would not be easy. She was right.

I've gone back and forth about whether or not to do WeightWatchers because I have several friends who have had excellent results in a short amount of time. And while I'm not closed off to any sort of programs- as of this Morning, I've lost a total of 22 lbs since December.
I feel like, while it's going slowly- I'm proud of myself for making these changes on my own. No program, no special diets, no gyms....just working out from home and making consciously healthier decisions for myself. But, if I hit another slump, I'm definitely open to changing things up.

I have a long way to go yet- and a lot of the causes for my weight gain are still present- but I'm learning how to manage those things differently.

I still find myself in these states of "How did I become someone in this position??" Because I never saw myself being this weight. I never saw myself being looked down upon because of my looks. I never thought I'd see the day where I would cry because I couldn't fit in any of my clothes that had fit only months earlier.

As a small part of the bigger picture here, which is living a healthy lifestyle, I want to encourage you to stop looking at people's bodies and judging them based on their weights. Because, I have found myself in a position where people have stopped getting to know me- because I don't look like I used to. And it really does a number on even the strongest person out there.
You don't know what got them to that point.
You don't know what they have or haven't tried.
You don't know what they're still going through.

So thank you to the family and friends who have supported and encouraged me thus far- and to those who haven't treated me any differently than they did- when I was 40lbs lighter. 

(If you have any questions about how, why, when, or where....shoot me a message!)


Kerri Muffin said...

This is such a brave post. I wouldn't mind reading about your journey at all, it's inspiring! All of your followers support you :)

Kerri Muffin said...

This is such a brave post. I wouldn't mind reading about your journey at all, it's inspiring! All of your followers support you :)

Kerri Muffin said...

This is such a brave post. I wouldn't mind reading about your journey at all, it's inspiring! All of your followers support you :)

Kerri Muffin said...

This is such a brave post. I wouldn't mind reading about your journey at all, it's inspiring! All of your followers support you :)

Kerri Muffin said...

This is such a brave post. I wouldn't mind reading about your journey at all, it's inspiring! All of your followers support you :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post! It is inspiring, I too have found myself walking in those shoes and it is a difficult task to face..alone, so thank you for speaking out!

Anonymous said...

Thank you amanda. This has really motivated me.

Anonymous said...

Hey girl!

This is WideEyedNicole from Insta! This is a great post! I've felt like this a lot lately. I admire you for posting and being brave to start! I would love to hear some of those recipes! Keep it up! <3

nami s said...

Oh, how I understand you! And admire you for the courage to talk so openly about your journey! My story's details are a little bit different, but same here: in 5 years I gained around 40lbs. It is a very slow and hard process to get rid of them, so reading your post just inspired me to keep going!!!! I can't wait to read more about it!!


Becky | Apples of Gold said...

Such a great post.
I've struggled with my weight all my life-- because i couldn't do a darn thing to gain weight before having a baby. I was a skinny minnie, and for whatever reason, there were countless people who found it perfectly acceptable to comment on my weight... As in, "You need to come to my place so I can fatten you up!" (I loathed those comments and would cringe each time someone told me that. They had no idea how insecure I felt and how badly I wanted to gain some pounds...)

Because of my own personal experience with weight, I never ever ever bring up the topic of weight in conversation with people (I think it's an unnecessary topic, unless someone actually wants to talk about it...) and I for sure don't judge people based on their weight.

Sidenote: you looked beautiful then, you look just as gorgeous now, and good for you for making small changes. Slow and steady wins the race!

Amy Lynn said...

I had a similar experience when I first got married! Since then I've lost and gained the weight back a couple of times, but I'm ready to start taking care of myself again, and hopefully third times the charm! :)

Hopefully you will do a better job than I did in that area,thanks for sharing!