She was making a Raspberry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake. (Yes, it's as good as it sounds...)
She was pulling ingredients from the refrigerator and I was painting my nails in a thick layer of sparkles-to try and be somewhat festive for coming Christmas parties....when all of a sudden she turns to me and asks;
"Do you know who you are?"
I was baffled. I can't recall anyone point blank-face to face- asking me such a simply complex question.
I asked her what she meant and she continued.
"Well. It's only in the last few years that I've finally realized who I really am.
I'm goofy and funny. I don't teach adults but I'm excellent with kids. I can't
sing or play piano. I'm not really...polished. But, that's me and I'm OK with
that. I just hope that it doesn't take you as long as it's taken me to realize that
you can't be anyone else but yourself."
I really struggled to keep the tears at bay- first because of how honest and open Mom was being with me. I love that our relationship is becoming more that way-and we're learning and understanding each other in ways that would have never been possible only a few years ago. And second, because I realized....
I don't really know who I am.
That's a pretty unnerving feeling.
I'm determined to let myself go this year- in order to find myself. I will learn to accept that while some people are seemingly perfect (in my eyes) or they have a quality or talent that I long to have- it's okay to leave them as inspirational people in my life. To appreciate them....not try and BE them.
There are things that I am and things that I am not.
We're human and that's the way things are meant to be.
Full of diverse gifts, talents, and qualities.
Find and embrace yours in 2014.
