Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Post You Need To Read

It was on our last evening in Michigan that I had decided to stay up later than usual, watching my Mom prepare and bake something scrumptious for Church the following day.
She was making a Raspberry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake. (Yes, it's as good as it sounds...)

She was pulling ingredients from the refrigerator and I was painting my nails in a thick layer of sparkles-to try and be somewhat festive for coming Christmas parties....when all of a sudden she turns to me and asks;

"Do you know who you are?"

I was baffled. I can't recall anyone point blank-face to face- asking me such a simply complex question.

I asked her what she meant and she continued.

"Well. It's only in the last few years that I've finally realized who I really am.
I'm goofy and funny. I don't teach adults but I'm excellent with kids. I can't
sing or play piano. I'm not really...polished. But, that's me and I'm OK with
that. I just hope that it doesn't take you as long as it's taken me to realize that
you can't be anyone else but yourself."

I really struggled to keep the tears at bay- first because of how honest and open Mom was being with me. I love that our relationship is becoming more that way-and we're learning and understanding each other in ways that would have never been possible only a few years ago. And second, because I realized....

I don't really know who I am.

That's a pretty unnerving feeling.
I'm determined to let myself go this year- in order to find myself. I will learn to accept that while some people are seemingly perfect (in my eyes) or they have a quality or talent that I long to have- it's okay to leave them as inspirational people in my life. To appreciate them....not try and BE them.

There are things that I am and things that I am not.
We're human and that's the way things are meant to be.
Full of diverse gifts, talents, and qualities.

Find and embrace yours in 2014.


Cee said...

Manda, this is such a sweet and heartfelt post. I've always had an overdeveloped sense of who I am - a tendency to be definite to the point of rigidity, honestly. But the one thing I've learned is that who we are, to a degree, is fluid and changing. Good luck finding yourself, but don't get too attached to her - she will change and grow as you do :)

Anonymous said...

You are completely correct when you say, "fluid and changing" & "don't get too attached to her - she will change and grow as you do".
That is so completely true and remember to leave extra room and be open for change as it will be nothing you could ever have dreamed or's much greater!