Friday, October 29, 2010

Inside My Mind

Mmmm....Godiva French Vanilla Coffee, a leaf themed blanket, some music, and a Cat staring at me. What a great day so far...

So I realized that A) I've been wanting to write a new blog and B) I don't always need an amazing topic to thrill everyone with.

I have a Friend who also blogs from another site. (I know, the audacity!) And as I read her blog, I found it so refreshing...and human. It wasn't informing me of some current issue or educating me on some controversial issue. Although I don't entirely dislike those type of blogs- the blogs that are more like a Journal are so much more...meaningful and real.
The blog was something like, "I went here today and it was amazingly beautiful. And I went into this shop and found a purse that I really wanted, but definitely couldn't afford. I had some soup at this restaurant and it was so good. I'll go again." -- Type of thing.
Loved it!

Anyway, enough of that rant.

I fully intended on sleeping in today.
But I have this guilt whenever I hear K getting around and ready for work. Kind of like, "Why should I stay in bed all warm and cozy while he goes off to work?" Alas, I got out of bed.

...Only to the announcement that K had found a gross glob of cat puke. It was my turn to clean it up.
So as I scrubbed, sprayed "Oxi-Magic" and then vacuumed the crime scene, I discovered another glob. As I slowly approach, horror strewn all over my face, I find yet another glob by the window.
Creeper, the newest member of our Family, has a weak stomach apparently. Although, I think he's still adjusting to new food and whatnot. The Shelter gave him something they don't sell in stores. Lame.

My Friend, Sarah, just had a baby.
Yes, someone else had a baby. Surprising, isn't it?
The baby is incredibly cute. He's a chunker and so cuddly looking.
Before Sarah got pregnant- her and I exchanged emails about how we both desired to be Mothers but wasn't sure if we wanted to wait longer or not. She also had said that she hoped it would happen unexpectedly so that there wasn't added stress in the process. I find myself hoping for the same thing.
I'm SO happy that she's a Mom now. I find myself a bit jealous and then again, find myself thinking..."Wow, we're in two different stages now. The things that we related on before, don't apply nearly as much anymore." Bummer, man.

Speaking of babies, I've really wanted one of my own.
I know, I know.
Spend more time with my Husband. I'm young. Things will never be the same.
I really, truly, desire to have a little being growing inside of me. And then, to be able to teach that same little being about....everything. Stuff. This and that. I want him/her to depend on me. I want to be their hero. I want that.

I saw a status or post or something a few weeks ago about how if there is a God or "Higher Power" that He/She/It would change their rules to fit the changing world.
I thought about it briefly, that sure, that would make sense to someone who isn't fully devoted to their Savior.
But, God didn't create His "Rule book" so that He could change it according to us. We're supposed to follow His rules and change our lives to fit Him.
*Shrugs* Makes sense to me.

I feel like I have a bad .... temperment? I'm not sure what the right word is. The people closest to me have been pretty great at pointing out my short comings. Ha, Ha. Which, I guess is what I need now and again.
The one that seems prevelant is my tone of voice. I come off sounding like a jerk, when really, that's not what my mind is thinking.
Apparently my mind and my mouth don't get along well.
It makes me feel bad. Because I so want to be that strong, caring, loving, gentle wife/friend/daughter that I should be.
In a lot of ways, I feel like I am.
But in a lot of ways, I know I fall completely short. Sometimes I yell when I don't need to. Stress when I don't need to. Pout when I don't need to.
I'm a handful, I think. Not proud of that at all....I don't feel like, "Hey suckers, this is me! Take it or leave it!"

I've found that I really don't like housework.
Today, I have to do close to 4 or 5 loads of laundry. Vacuum. Dishes. Dinner. Bathroom.
I know that I need to do it. Not only because it's just...sanitary, haha, but because I want to please my Husband in that way.
But...I have not gumption to do it. Honestly, after working 4 days- chasing a toddler around- I feel like being a couch potato. Facebook stalking people, watching a chick flick, eating something scrumptious, and wearing something completely ugly and un-public-worthy- but comfortable. Oh, with messy hair. Too. And smeared makeup. And fuzzy striped socks. (Yes, I'm describing my current 'condition'.)

Sometimes, I leave the housework too long. And K comes home and helps me with it. And I hate that. It makes me feel bad. And really, like I'm a horrible wife.
I'm working on it.
But on the same note- K has become extremely "OCD Clean Man" since we've been married, which I'm somewhat surprised about. That's not bad at all, trust me, who wouldn't want a cleaner of a Husband? But...I think I'm finding that our priorities are different.
Here comes the "Meshing" part of Marriage, I suppose.
Where, I feel like I would rather let the floor go unvacuumed for one day and spend quality time with K- He would rather vigorously vacuum the floors of the entire apartment and then sit down together.
He may or may not be right about this. . . :0)

I've been really missing playing the piano lately.
I used to play a lot of Beatles, Norah Jones, and other Classical stuff. Eases my stress levels. It was amazing.
I still have all of my piano books, but nowhere to play.
I took lessons for about 11 years.
Sometimes I don't think they did any good though. At the beginning especially, I played by memorization and "ear". When Edith would play a song, I'd memorize the keys her fingers touched and the sound. I've never done too well with reading notes, so I struggle.
But I still really enjoy the sound of piano music and on occassion seeing a keyboard at a store or someone's home and quickly playing the only song I've managed to somewhat memorize. Canon in D.

So, I've been counting calories. So, that's been good. A friend suggested a site to me and so far, so good. I feel better about myself. Doubtful that I've lost any weight YET, but at least I'm trying...right? That's better than....not trying?

So, I started a book. Well, is book the right word? Probably not. I don't know what it is. We'll call it, a story.
I started a story over a year ago.
I've done this so many times over my lifetime, it's ridiculous. Start and then never finish.
I read this 'story' to K and he really enjoyed it. So maybe I'll actually try and finish it eventually. So far it's a mystery. But it wouldn't be my writing if there wasn't romance thrown in there somewhere :0)
So we shall see!
You know what I should do sometime?
Blog a story that I wrote when I was young. Like 12.
Believe me, they're hilarious. You'll be on the edge of your seat....laughing hysterically.

I have to find a new job, fairly soon.
Hopefully around the last week of December, first week of January.
I'm fairly stressed about it, for a number of reasons, really.
There are quite a few Childcare positions available around here. But, the ones I'm interested in are too far away or start within the month. Or the ones that are close by are for triplets or 4 school-age children. Neither of which I'm interested.
God REALLY blessed me with the position working with the Leveille Family.
Some of you may have read some of my "Nanny Diaries" when I was working in Chicago. If you didn't- basically, it was a really rough experience for me. I didn't feel appreciated, or happy. I lost a lot of weight and felt really bad about myself.
The Leveille Family took a chance with me and I'm so glad they did! Not only is Gray adorable, but I feel appreciated and respected. I look forward to work in the mornings.
I'll really miss working with them regularly, but I'm counting on God to take care of me and guide me to the next phase of life.

"She Moves In Her Own Way"- by The Kooks, just started playing on my's such a happy song. Listen to it!

I've really been into sending cards lately. Or little notes.
I really love receiving them and realized....other people probably do too. So, I have been buying a bit of stationary here and there and some festive cards.
It's been fun. I've never really cared about it before- but I guess moving to a new State, far away from everyone creates some change, huh? :0)

Oh, so I've completely forgotten to tell you all about our little B&B getaway to Vermont!
It was great.
The drive was a little longer than anticipated, but the scenery was beautiful. Luckily, we just made it to catch the last of the Vermont foliage.
I never dreamed I'd ever visit Vermont...let alone LIVE on the East Coast, haha.'s been great to see a different part of the Country. Lots of trees instead of lots of fields.
But anyway-
It was relaxing. It was an intimate setting with breath-taking views and I think it was exactly what we were looking for. I definitely recommend Vermont for a getaway from stress!

Well, I think I'm about done with this blog. It feels like I've already babbled on too long. And you may be bored. OR you may be dying to know what else is happening in my head. :0)

If you haven't, or don't...check out my facebook photo albums! I always post new photos and I think that it's a really great way to catch up on my life. Enjoy!

Later Days.


Krista said...

Wow! I can totally empathize with your wanting a baby. I wanted one about 6 months after marrying Adam. Adam and I had agreed to wait several years. My desire did not change. Thank the Lord He did not give us one then though. Life would have been so hard and difficult. (especially with moving to Indiana and not having any friends/support system.) All this to say - God's timing is perfect. I can see that now, but it took me a very LONG time to get here. I would say probably about 4 years. Right before I found out I was pregnant with Kaylee. Interesting how God works like that. Ha.

shorty_cant_surf said...

"A Handful" ... good way of describing you! :)
haha, but I'm sure most people (including me) wouldn't have it any other way!

Anonymous said...

Hello Manda,

I'm so sorry for reading this about a month later! I'm often too lazy to read long blog entries and then I forget about them. I'm really sorry. ):

This blog post was really informative. I didn't know you had been playing the piano for ELEVEN years?! That's huge! And it's such a coincidence that you said that the only song you can still memorize is Canon in D! It's Ralf's favorite classical song and I do like it a lot as well. (:

I would like to read your mystery story one day! And those written years ago! I'm interested in the way you write. (: A friend of mine writes stories herself and we always discussed them at school years ago. I haven't really read anything by her since we went to different schools though.

I think you should really blog again soon! I blogged myself a lot yesterday. (;

So, take care!


Rachel said...

I totally know what you mean about feeling like you need to thrill people with your blog. For a long time I felt inadequate because my blog didn't have a theme or anything, and was just me saying whatever. Maybe because I watched Julie and Julia and really liked it. But anyway, I realized I didn't need to achieve internet celebrity status.

I like your blogs. You should keep writing them.

I also want babies.