Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I won't be the best friend you'll ever have.
I was the 6 year old girl who was pinning white (clean) burp cloths to my hair, smudging lipstick on my tiny lips, and finding the nearest flowy nightgown- in order to make myself beautiful for the wedding I was planning to my Prince Charming.
When the time finally came, I was 20 years old and brand newly engaged. I called a few people, namely my best friend since age 2 (or earlier?!) and my Family. I texted others in a flurry of emotion, excitement, and disbelief. My heart raced and I had no idea what to do next. (Update my facebook status, obviously!)
I felt like amidst the 9 months leading to my wedding day and the two weeks following when I moved into my new Connecticut home- I felt and visibly saw many friendships that I considered special, dwindle. Many weren't genuinely excited for my engagement. Many didn't come to my wedding. Many didn't keep in contact with me after I moved.
I can say, that even nearly 5 years later, I can see that sometimes- distance doesn't actually make the heart grow fonder. I've seen once strong friendships turn into random "how are you?" facebook messages- and making childhood plans turn into- "Oh, you're getting married? Congratulations!"
I hate that.
I SO hate that.
I'm totally nostalgic when it comes to friendships.
For me, once you've created a bond- whether you're 5 or 50, it's always there. Whether you move away, gain a degree, a spouse, or a child...at one time, you and that person (people) had a strong relationship.And, I truly, have never been able to accept that people "just grow apart".
I can, however, see that sometimes- you quit working at your friendship.
I have always considered myself, up until the last year or so, at the top of the totem pole. Which is ridiculous on my part. I should never look at myself and think, "Dang! I'm an awesome friend! Go me!"
And so today, in the last hour, I've decided that instead of pointing out those who I think could try harder. Or looking sadly at the past- to friendships I miss- I'm going to work harder to make those friendships stronger, to rekindle the good times.
And so, I won't be the best friend you'll ever have.
But, I'm sure going to try to be a good one.