Do I usually write a blog post after my traditional Christmas trip to Michigan?
I think it's possible.
I have a marriage journal that I began before Kyle & I were married. 53 days before, to be exact. I really liked the idea of documenting how things were for me and then giving it to my future children or someone else who could find it useful, and also- so that I could look back and see things from my younger perspective.
What I noticed from my Journal while reading some of the earlier entries, was that I had been afraid of Connecticut and marriage. I was really nervous about moving here and not fitting in. Once I was here, I realized that....I was actually right.
I don't really fit here, in general. My perspective on life often clashes with the general mindset in this area and I don't seem to really click with other women my age around here. We have different values. Different priorities.
It's not really a secret that if I had a choice between Connecticut and living in Michigan, I'd choose the latter in less than a heartbeat. Pack up my husband and my kitties and hit the road without looking back.
I could feel my emotions bubbling over throughout our second week in Michigan and I knew I needed some wisdom.
To Grandma's room I went.
I sat down on her bed and before I had hardly even touched on what I wanted to say, I started crying. She let me vent and get everything off of my chest.
And then she calmly said,
"There's really only one secret I have that could help you. I've learned that being content comes from knowing you're in the center of the Lord's will for your life."
She said more and I nodded and continued to ugly cry.
At the end of the day, no matter how much I want to be in Michigan- I knew that I was in the wrong with my thinking.
The Lord knows the desires of my heart, but for now. He has us here. And instead of praying for change, I realized...I need to pray that I be in the center of His will. Wherever that may be. Here, there, or anywhere else. I trust Him to take care of me.
And I can honestly say, although I have those days where I miss the rolling fields, the constant laughter, and the hugs... I'm content. Or if I'm not all the way there- I'm close. I've been praying diligently for the first time in my life, that God leads the way. And that whatever way that may be- I'll be okay with it.
I wanted to get all of this out there, to encourage those of you who are at a point in your life where you're frustrated, doubtful, unhappy...that instead of looking to yourself for the answers, take it to the Lord and pray that He'll bring you contentment at the center of His will.
I'm confident that He'll reveal both to you when you're open and not self seeking.
3 comments:
Hey girl! So glad to hear you're praying for God to put you where He intends for you to be. I totally understand the longing to be somewhere else - I almost quit college at one point because I was convinced that it was my geographical location that was making me miserable. It's amazing how God can bring us peace when we reach our lowest, and cannot imagine any kind of resolution to the aching. You've been in my prayers about this, too! Glad you got to spend precious time with you Grandma, and your family in general. :) Love you!
Coming to the realization that we are praying for the wrong things is a hard place! Realizing that we need to put ourselves in God's will...well that takes a lot of faith and trust. Prayers to you and your happiness.
Just read your post. What a blessing your grandmother is and what wise words she said to you. I hope you're beginning to feel more comfortable in Connecticut! Blessings to you!
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