Grandma knows best.

Do I usually write a blog post after my traditional Christmas trip to Michigan?
I think it's possible.

I have a marriage journal that I began before Kyle & I were married. 53 days before, to be exact. I really liked the idea of documenting how things were for me and then giving it to my future children or someone else who could find it useful, and also- so that I could look back and see things from my younger perspective.

What I noticed from my Journal while reading some of the earlier entries, was that I had been afraid of Connecticut and marriage. I was really nervous about moving here and not fitting in. Once I was here, I realized that....I was actually right.
 I don't really fit here, in general. My perspective on life often clashes with the general mindset in this area and I don't seem to really click with other women my age around here. We have different values. Different priorities.

It's not really a secret that if I had a choice between Connecticut and living in Michigan, I'd choose the latter in less than a heartbeat. Pack up my husband and my kitties and hit the road without looking back.

I could feel my emotions bubbling over throughout our second week in Michigan and I knew I needed some wisdom.

To Grandma's room I went.

I sat down on her bed and before I had hardly even touched on what I wanted to say, I started crying. She let me vent and get everything off of my chest.
And then she calmly said,

"There's really only one secret I have that could help you. I've learned that being content comes from knowing you're in the center of the Lord's will for your life."

She said more and I nodded and continued to ugly cry.

At the end of the day, no matter how much I want to be in Michigan- I knew that I was in the wrong with my thinking.

The Lord knows the desires of my heart, but for now. He has us here. And instead of praying for change, I realized...I need to pray that I be in the center of His will. Wherever that may be. Here, there, or anywhere else. I trust Him to take care of me.

And I can honestly say, although I have those days where I miss the rolling fields, the constant laughter, and the hugs... I'm content. Or if I'm not all the way there- I'm close. I've been praying diligently for the first time in my life, that God leads the way. And that whatever way that may be- I'll be okay with it.

I wanted to get all of this out there, to encourage those of you who are at a point in your life where you're frustrated, doubtful, unhappy...that instead of looking to yourself for the answers, take it to the Lord and pray that He'll bring you contentment at the center of His will.

I'm confident that He'll reveal both to you when you're open and not self seeking.

Be Selfish. See What Happens.

I have a "guilty pleasure" of watching Bravo TV Shows, especially "The Real Housewives" series they have out.  While browsing, I caught a headline about one of the Wives filing divorce from her Husband of 27 years.  The Woman herself has always been a bit wacky, in general, but her marriage has been televised as being pretty steady. Her husband always seemed accepting and supportive of her.

As I was reading the article, the part that specifically stuck out to me was this;

"Shifting her body to directly address the audience, she told the crowd, "Nothing is written in stone, life is an evolution. Again, ladies and gentlemen, as long as you feel good about yourself you can handle anything."

I'm pretty sure it was a shake my head moment because it immediately reminded me of an important truth.

Marriage is completely about two people.
 It's not about you- feeling good about yourself. It's about you working together within the promise you've made by law & to each other.  You're vowing not to be selfish anymore. You're vowing to take care of someone and be with that person through all of life's adversities...and my friends, those adversities will surely come.

 

 

Marriage is one of those things we all kind of know is a BIG deal.
That's why we're advised to discuss God, Family, Money, Sex...before we commit.
But the moment we decide we're better off as friends. Or that marriage isn't for us. Or that your sex life isn't as hot and heavy as you expected...or maybe, surprise! Your spouse isn't making the millions you had previously suspected they were making-  society tells us it's just fine to give up.
Afterall, our personal happiness is most important.
.
You cannot marry anyone, if you think that nothing is set in stone.
When you do or when you did- make those vows- you were setting something in stone.
You were understanding that we're human & no one is perfect.
Depression happens. Losing jobs, happens. Death, happens. Physical changes, happen. Personality changes, happen. Sometimes, we say things we don't mean. Sometimes, we don't always understand each other.
It's life! It's being a human! And it's part of every marriage.

Do yourself a giant favor and understand that because we're human, we "get" marriage. We don't "get divorced" because we're human.
Does that make sense?
I've heard, "Oh, we got a divorce. We made a mistake. We're only human".
No. You stay married, because you're only human. Because you understand that humans change and grow and yes, evolution happens there. You grow and adapt to that evolution. Not give up when it shows its sometimes, scary force.

Stick up for your marriage, even when it means going against yourself.
Because selfishness when it's brought into nearly any situation- specifically one that is all about two people, is just plain ugly.

Ain't nobody got time for that.




{Disclaimer: If you've been divorced or experienced divorce in some capacity, I am not calling you a horrible human being. I simply believe that marriage can withstand anything when it's put on its rightful pedestal by both.}