Just A Little Update.

I've been really overthinking a post lately, feeling this invisible pressure to put something amazing in words for people to carefully consider. And then today it hit me. How about just update everyone on life as of late? Not that it's terribly interesting by any means- but I've felt like I've written so many individual emails lately with practically the same information- so why not just put it in one place?

After my post about being content, a lot of little tests came my way and it would be a lie to say that I've passed every one of them with flying colors. And as of late, I just feel completely overwhelmed with life.

I'm not the type of person who enjoys being busy. I don't like to have plans after work and having full weekends and being put out of my comfort zone.

For example, over the last few weeks there have been vet appointments. I really despise taking the cats, specifically 007, to the vet alone. Especially when it's a new office. I tend to think of every possible outcome (usually the worst ones, let's be honest here...)- and let's just say, every. single.one. occurred during 007's appointment.
Poop, vomit, aggressive staff, a stressed cat, a last minute messy bath, and hyperthyroidism results.
(Moneypenny was an angel and was complimented endlessly on how sweet and soft she is. That's my girl!)




On that note, having my favorite pet losing weight rapidly before my eyes, constantly crying to be fed, and vomiting sometimes daily...is the epitome of heartbreak for me. Most of you know my heart for animals- but for my boy, it's the biggest. We always describe him as a "comfort cat"- he could definitely go into a any facility and snuggle with patients and residents, making them instantly happier. Thinking of losing him any sooner than never, is just the worst. So these recent vet appointments have been awful for me to handle alone, because Kyle works opposite hours than what the veterinary offices are open.
Lots of nights of sobbing myself to sleep have happened.
Although, I *am* doing a little better in this area.
I'm trying.


Most of you know that my employers will be moving to Toronto this coming September. They've graciously offered me unemployment, should I need it, and that was completely kind and unexpected. In the beginning, I wasn't worried at all and maybe even slightly excited for a new adventure. But as the days pass and September approaches, I can feel my blood pressure rising as I wait...and wait...and wait to hear back from jobs that I've applied to.
I've had one interview so far, and it was anything but wonderful. Although I was disappointed that I didn't connect with the family, I was more proud of myself for feeling confident that there is something better out there for me.
I think I'm a fairly desirable option, with 7 years experience that includes 3 different families and 5 newborns. But, as I sit here, I've emailed probably 20 families and have only heard back from 1 or 2.
It really does a number on ya.
Makes you question and doubt.
K keeps confirming that he wants me to find the perfect position, one that I'll really enjoy, and if it takes 6 months- that's just fine!

Secretly, I'd like a few week break in-between one job ending and another beginning- but I definitely don't want to be sitting around for 6 months, either.

Besides finding a new position, I'm feeling lots of mixed emotions. These kids, I've been a 3rd parent to. I've seen some firsts, watched them learn to take a bottle, roll over, walk and talk. I've spent uncountable hours helping them use a toilet, cuddling them while they're sick, watching them climb all over a playground proudly, attend new schools, and let's be real....handed out a ridiculous amount of timeouts.
But at the same time, while I know I'll cry like a baby and miss sweet moments, I'm feeling...ready for something new. Hopeful of a bright future with a new family.

While these things...pet problems and work changes, barely skim the surface of my stress levels lately- I am starting to feel majorly excited for upcoming trips this September.

We found some awesomely priced plane tickets to Chicago, one of my favorite cities, and we'll be able to spend 2 days there for a quick Anniversary getaway. I cannot wait to try foods, sit in cute coffee shops, meander around Navy Pier, and soak in the nighttime city lights with my Babe.

Later in September, we'll be taking a week long trip to Nebraska to visit some very close friends of our's. We're absolutely thrilled. There will be lots of eating, laughing, good conversations, and just very much needed "away" time.


I think this is basically it, everyone.
My exciting life update.

Grandma knows best.

Do I usually write a blog post after my traditional Christmas trip to Michigan?
I think it's possible.

I have a marriage journal that I began before Kyle & I were married. 53 days before, to be exact. I really liked the idea of documenting how things were for me and then giving it to my future children or someone else who could find it useful, and also- so that I could look back and see things from my younger perspective.

What I noticed from my Journal while reading some of the earlier entries, was that I had been afraid of Connecticut and marriage. I was really nervous about moving here and not fitting in. Once I was here, I realized that....I was actually right.
 I don't really fit here, in general. My perspective on life often clashes with the general mindset in this area and I don't seem to really click with other women my age around here. We have different values. Different priorities.

It's not really a secret that if I had a choice between Connecticut and living in Michigan, I'd choose the latter in less than a heartbeat. Pack up my husband and my kitties and hit the road without looking back.

I could feel my emotions bubbling over throughout our second week in Michigan and I knew I needed some wisdom.

To Grandma's room I went.

I sat down on her bed and before I had hardly even touched on what I wanted to say, I started crying. She let me vent and get everything off of my chest.
And then she calmly said,

"There's really only one secret I have that could help you. I've learned that being content comes from knowing you're in the center of the Lord's will for your life."

She said more and I nodded and continued to ugly cry.

At the end of the day, no matter how much I want to be in Michigan- I knew that I was in the wrong with my thinking.

The Lord knows the desires of my heart, but for now. He has us here. And instead of praying for change, I realized...I need to pray that I be in the center of His will. Wherever that may be. Here, there, or anywhere else. I trust Him to take care of me.

And I can honestly say, although I have those days where I miss the rolling fields, the constant laughter, and the hugs... I'm content. Or if I'm not all the way there- I'm close. I've been praying diligently for the first time in my life, that God leads the way. And that whatever way that may be- I'll be okay with it.

I wanted to get all of this out there, to encourage those of you who are at a point in your life where you're frustrated, doubtful, unhappy...that instead of looking to yourself for the answers, take it to the Lord and pray that He'll bring you contentment at the center of His will.

I'm confident that He'll reveal both to you when you're open and not self seeking.

(Getting out of an unhealthy relationship)

I'm incredibly observant, which sometimes isn't the best of characteristics. I have a general hope to help others and an eye to see more than what's on the surface. I also have the quality of really feeling for someone in need. And the worst part is when I can't put my hand right in and fix everything myself.

I'm learning that although my heart may be screaming "DO SOMETHING!"- it's not always a good idea. But, I can put my heart on a platter in other ways.
Thanks, blog!

Here's your situation.

A man and a woman are arguing. It's definitely heated and voices are rising higher and higher, there's an extra icy chill in the air.
"You're not faithful! You're not committed! But *I* am!"
"I AM committed to you! I love you!"
"Let me see your phone then! Let's see if you've been cheating on me with him! You know what?? I'm just going to take your phone away."
"Fine! Take it, I don't want it."
"Why are you still talking to that guy, anyway? Why do you need to talk to him when you have a family that loves you?"
"He's just a friend! Why don't you just talk to him?"
"What am I supposed to say? Huh?! Thanks for taking care of my girlfriend for me? I do so much for you. I freaking have the baby all the time."
"No you don't! I'm with the baby every day, sitting at home by myself. I'm going to tell them how you treat me."
"Oh yeah? You'll tell them, what?"
"....That you hit me."
"That I hit you? Yeah! I've hit you. So what? You've hit me, too! It's not like I don't have a reason. I have a REASON to hit you. You're a slut. You're a freaking slut."

A baby cries in the distance, a cigarette is lit. The conversation goes from calling each other names to a hushed urgency of finding a missing pacifier and then eventually continues with muffled yelling from inside a car.

So you're with a person who calls you really horrible things, takes away any confidence you may have had in yourself, is a biological parent to your child, who puts you on the back burner to anything and everything, refuses to put any of your needs before their own, shakes their head and rolls their eyes at all of your goals and dreams, laughs at your insecurities, hits you from time to time and has the innate ability to apologize and say the right thing at the exact second you're about to say, "I'm done with this!"

And so, you stay.
Because you love them. And they make you laugh. You have a child together! And one time, they complimented you and you'll never forget that!

When you're in a relationship with someone...feelings flying all over the place that sometimes you can't even figure out yourself- sometimes, your mind and your heart get fogged over. Did you know that?
It's true.
You create this foggy bubble around you and this other person and you can't get out, you can't see past it...and sometimes, you don't want to. Because it's easier to stick with what you know, rather than go out into the unknown- especially when you'd feel alone. That person is better than no person? Right?
Wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG.

Before I met my husband, I didn't know what it was like to feel confident in a relationship. Names were thrown all over the place...it was a competition to see who could say the most hurtful thing. Sometimes, the actions were all about distancing the other person as much as possible...just to see how far they'd let you go. The fights were really rough. The silent treatments? Even more rough. The lack of trust? Awful.

And the worst part was that darn bubble I'd put around us.
I knew something wasn't right but I couldn't help but feel like....maybe I was misreading the situation? Maybe I was doing something so wrong that all of these actions were justified. But even more so- thinking about going on with life, without that person apart of the future...seemed like the scariest, most uncomfortable heartbreak there ever could be.

I want you to know- that breakups are scary. They hurt. Sometimes, the ugly cry happens. It takes awhile to figure things out again. Realize that you actually do have the ability to make smarter, healthier choices for yourself. That you deserve more.

I'm speaking to that person who knows deep down the relationship they're in, isn't what they really desire. The teenager who thinks that a breakup is all about rejection and loneliness, to the person who doesn't think they deserve anything better, the person who doesn't want to feel a hint of "single", the person who thinks it's too late, to the person who takes any sort of abuse, and to the couple I was talking about earlier.

Last night, as I was winding down for the night, I heard shouting. Opened my window to discover the above situation happening across the street.
It broke my heart for them. Both of them. But especially for the woman. Because while she may have been unfaithful in the past, this man was trampling her to tiny bits. Calling her names, shouting in her face, bringing up past wrongs, admitting to hitting her and thinking he had the right!
40 minutes passed and then a newborn cried out.
My heart broke a little more.

It reminded me of those past, foggy, relationships that I had been apart of. And I immediately knew that this post needed to be an outside voice to those people apart of relationships that are or could potentially be extremely bad situations.

There is always a way out.
There is always someone to talk to.
There is always a potentially brighter future ahead.

Have a relationship that is pure, unselfish, and full of healthy understanding. One that you enjoy. One that you can safely stay apart of long term. And realize, arguments happen. You're two different people. But there should never be a need to hurt the other person physically, emotionally, or mentally.

Do what you need to do, to be one half of a wonderful, amazing relationship with someone who respects you and thinks you're pretty great.

You've got this.

To Baby or Not to Baby?

Oh, hello.
It's me, Amanda.
I write on this sleepy ole blog when something comes to me that matters. :)
As I get older (and boy, have I been feeling it) I find myself exploring the idea of having kids more and more seriously. '

Truth be told, this whole "talking about having kids" thing is completely weird territory for me. It's no surprise to my close family and friends that growing up I knew two things. I wanted to be a wife and a mother.
I was positive I would be married young (I was hoping for like 17, but...21'll do.) and almost as positive that I would have babies shortly after.

The first year of marriage was killer.
A word to newlyweds- give yourself that year. Because it's amazing to me that once I lived as a wife a little while...man. I kind of enjoyed it just being me & my husband. Although, I have to admit...being a Nanny is excellent birth control. So, maybe, I'll recommend that everyone should be a Nanny to 1 or 2 small children full-time, before considering children of their own? Yes. That's my recommendation.

...but as I was saying.
I clearly recall within that first year, gushing every time I saw a baby. If someone was pregnant, I was green with envy. If there was a baby nearby, my eyes were glued to it and I was nudging Kyle to adore that little blob of cute as much as I did.
I remember being in church one Sunday and saw a mom holding her new baby boy- I started crying. In the middle of Church.

But oddly, as the years have gone on- I have gone through other phases of thinking maybe, just maybe, being a mom isn't for me, after all.
I seem to be through that phase now and in the..."Maybe in a few years.." phase.

Aside from the constant pressure of keeping up with all of my baby making machine friends (and I mean that kindly!)- I'm also feeling incredibly insecure about my age. If we follow our tentative plan, I'll be almost 30 with my first.
My Mom was 29, and I always swore I wouldn't wait that long.
And here I am.

I struggle with finding a contentment and peace with where I am RIGHT NOW. There are so many things I want to do before kids- and so many things I don't want to wait for, in order to have them.
Does that make sense?

The most common advice I get is, "Enjoy your time with your husband."  "You're young. No rush."
I know, I know!

The flip side of this topic is a hard one for me to write, mostly because I don't want to offend anyone.
But, another thing that has held me back from pursuing children more seriously is the constant (and I mean, constant..) flow of articles, photos, studies, and personal opinions regarding birth and breastfeeding.

I have to say, and I may not be speaking for any sort of mass, but those articles? Those about what doctors did to so and so and how midwives are better and how breastfeeding hurts so bad but also that "breast is best" and also about the epidural and how horrible it is and that you need to go all natural....THOSE. Are the articles that scare the crap out of me.

I appreciate openness and honesty.
But I respect women who do what works for them and their families and in return, respect other women who do the same thing.

My only request here, I suppose, is that when those of you who are already mothers- are sharing your wisdom across all of facebook, please remember that not all of your friends are mothers.
New mothers aren't the only ones who may be feeling alone in whatever situation they may be in- it's those of us, too, who are thinking about getting pregnant but have constant, awful scenarios rotating through our minds of ...what exactly IS best? Is that going to happen to me? What do I choose?

I know, I know. Then why am I friends with you, right? Or why don't I just *not* read the articles?
Well, because I like you as a person, probably.
And also, I don't read most of the articles.
But the one liners, the photos? That's often all it takes for me to be like...jaw on the floor, eyes bigger than you'd think humanly possible....and doubtful.

I don't really know what this post will do for anyone. Maybe something good somewhere. I hope so! Regardless, I feel pretty relieved to get all of that out there and not just through frantic texts to friends.

High five friends.
It's the weekend!

Fries.

Those of you who follow me on Facebook know that I have had a lot of extra time on my hands over the past Week.
I sprained my ankle while at the park with the children I care for. I went down a slide (cue laughter) and landed really....wrong. So an ER trip, crutches, ice, and some motrin later- I'm still on "bed rest".

While I wish it were for other reasons, resting has been good. I am able to spend more time on my devotions and I've been able to put more thought into what I want to implement into my lifestyle to make it healthier. Food is hard for me (and right now, so is working out!)- I love flavor and I love to eat good food. Up until the last few Months I haven't really considered food..."fuel"- as ridiculous as that sounds. It was all about taste and how it fulfilled wants and cravings. So, slowly but surely (emphasis on slowly) I'm rearranging my thoughts and habits when it comes to eating. I don't want to deprive myself, but instead teach my body to crave other, healthier, things.
So below I have a recipe for "Carrot Fries"- it was a great addition to my lunch today and would also be a great, family-approved side. So much flavor!

I originally found the recipe for "Carrot Fries" on this youtube channel. I added my own little twist to the ingredients and made a scrumptious side to my lunch.
I was pretty apprehensive about the taste- but they were soft, a bit sweet and slightly savory with the addition of the pepper and garlic. Delish!

You Need:

Full-size Carrots
Oil of Choice
Seasons of Choice

To Make:

Cut ends off the carrots- and then continue to cut the carrots in halves until they're "fry size".
Toss them in oil and seasonings.
Place them on a foil-lined baking sheet and bake at 450' for 20 minutes.

* I used one large carrot, small amount of olive oil, garlic salt, pepper, and sesame seeds for crunch.




Hope you give these a try and enjoy them!

Impossibly Content

My blog has been quiet for quite some time now, I'm sorry about that. I've been trying to only blog when I feel I have something worth saying. I tried doing the every other day posts to keep my readers around, but it wasn't me and it began feeling more like a burden. Who has time for that?!

Do you ever get into those ruts where you feel completely unhappy, lost, doubtful....?
I'll just go ahead and assume that everyone has been there, if not just for my own ease. :)

A few Weeks ago I had a bit of a meltdown. And "a bit"- could be putting it mildly depending on who you ask. It's really not my style to admit that to all of you, but I feel like if it could speak to someone out there, it's okay.

I was feeling very much like....I need to move. I need space. I need change. I need...I need...I need...
Looking back on those three tear-stained days, it could have easily been translated into...I WANT.

Once I pulled myself together and allowed myself to think more clearly,  I was able to see that my wants will always be my worst enemy if I don't start looking at things differently.

Deep down, I would love to accomplish and do other things in life.
But, I know that God has K & I here for a reason. Doing the things that we're doing, with the jobs we have etc...
I'm not sure what that reason is, but it's there. And God knows it. And so, my job is to be content. Here. Tomorrow. Next Week. A Year from now.

And honestly, it's not as hard as I thought it would be.

I've been reading the Word, praying, and allowing myself to be happy and content, even though sometimes I truly think it's impossible.

Even though I still have rough days, my key to getting through them is having hope & trust in the Lord.

I just wanted to let you know, it's okay to feel lonely. It's okay to feel doubt. And it's okay to wonder. It's okay to have a bad couple of days. Being a human is a tough gig sometimes.

But only you can allow yourself to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's always there- but I think we choose to put on blinders and ignore it. Because feeling sorry for ourselves is easier than changing our mentalities.

Take off those blinders and allow yourself to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You and those in your life deserve to be happy and content wherever life is right now.

Be Selfish. See What Happens.

I have a "guilty pleasure" of watching Bravo TV Shows, especially "The Real Housewives" series they have out.  While browsing, I caught a headline about one of the Wives filing divorce from her Husband of 27 years.  The Woman herself has always been a bit wacky, in general, but her marriage has been televised as being pretty steady. Her husband always seemed accepting and supportive of her.

As I was reading the article, the part that specifically stuck out to me was this;

"Shifting her body to directly address the audience, she told the crowd, "Nothing is written in stone, life is an evolution. Again, ladies and gentlemen, as long as you feel good about yourself you can handle anything."

I'm pretty sure it was a shake my head moment because it immediately reminded me of an important truth.

Marriage is completely about two people.
 It's not about you- feeling good about yourself. It's about you working together within the promise you've made by law & to each other.  You're vowing not to be selfish anymore. You're vowing to take care of someone and be with that person through all of life's adversities...and my friends, those adversities will surely come.

 

 

Marriage is one of those things we all kind of know is a BIG deal.
That's why we're advised to discuss God, Family, Money, Sex...before we commit.
But the moment we decide we're better off as friends. Or that marriage isn't for us. Or that your sex life isn't as hot and heavy as you expected...or maybe, surprise! Your spouse isn't making the millions you had previously suspected they were making-  society tells us it's just fine to give up.
Afterall, our personal happiness is most important.
.
You cannot marry anyone, if you think that nothing is set in stone.
When you do or when you did- make those vows- you were setting something in stone.
You were understanding that we're human & no one is perfect.
Depression happens. Losing jobs, happens. Death, happens. Physical changes, happen. Personality changes, happen. Sometimes, we say things we don't mean. Sometimes, we don't always understand each other.
It's life! It's being a human! And it's part of every marriage.

Do yourself a giant favor and understand that because we're human, we "get" marriage. We don't "get divorced" because we're human.
Does that make sense?
I've heard, "Oh, we got a divorce. We made a mistake. We're only human".
No. You stay married, because you're only human. Because you understand that humans change and grow and yes, evolution happens there. You grow and adapt to that evolution. Not give up when it shows its sometimes, scary force.

Stick up for your marriage, even when it means going against yourself.
Because selfishness when it's brought into nearly any situation- specifically one that is all about two people, is just plain ugly.

Ain't nobody got time for that.




{Disclaimer: If you've been divorced or experienced divorce in some capacity, I am not calling you a horrible human being. I simply believe that marriage can withstand anything when it's put on its rightful pedestal by both.}

Intention.

This word has been shooting into the furthest corners of my mind and with a quick burst-sprinkling down to the depths of my soul.

Intentional.
{adj. Done on purpose. Deliberate}

I purchased my first issue of Darling Magazine.
It's specifically for women. It celebrates women and all that we are. It has no ads. It's full of poems, original paintings and photography and short- wonderful- articles on topics as fun as food photography to the seriousness of anxiety or eating disorders.



I'm not sure if it was preconceived but throughout the 165 thick paged magazine- the word intentional is used a dozen times, at least.  And unlike the magazines you quickly pull off the rack at WalMart for a quick makeup tip or the latest gossip, this magazine makes you revel and really contemplate you're daily decisions.

I want to be intentional in my life. Because I feel like it will bring such fullness throughout every aspect of my life.

I want to pray, intentionally.
I want to conversate, intentionally.
I want to hug, intentionally.
Really live in every moment and soak up the details of life that get swept under the rug.

My first goal is to take Sundays off from social media.  We came from a place where social media was not an active part of our daily lives- now, it takes up more time than any of us would like to admit.
I want to intentionally make my Sunday about God. About my Husband. About prepping myself physically and emotionally for a new Week.



Think about how much more you'll get from life- if you do normal, everyday things with intention.

House to Home

Real quickly- I wanted to throw out that I'm glad several of you really enjoyed reading my last post about friendship- and I even recevied a few emails about how good it was for you to read.  I wanted to clarify though, incase it wasn't as obvious as I had thought, that my primary point of it- was that even if we move on through life and our friends don't seem to be there for us....don't give up on them, necessarily.

Ok!

When you live in a fairly small apartment- it's so easy to grab whatever furniture you can afford and throw it together and call it messy stylish. But since moving into our new place, it's become painfully clear that our furniture is quite mismatched- and not in a cool way.

I have had this urgency as of late to make things happen. To get new furniture, to finally paint the living/dining room, to really bring about my vision of "Home".

We're doing little things, step by step, to make our dreams reality. It'll take some time- but I feel like once I see our house as "put together"- I'll feel so much comfortable having people over...and overall, a stronger sense of pride.

I don't have everything quite figured out- but here are some of my inspirations.
(all found on Pinterest- you can follow me here: http://www.pinterest.com/mandajsven/ )

I won't be the best friend you'll ever have.

I was the 6 year old girl who was pinning white (clean) burp cloths to my hair, smudging lipstick on my tiny lips, and finding the nearest flowy nightgown- in order to make myself beautiful for the wedding I was planning to my Prince Charming.

When the time finally came, I was 20 years old and brand newly engaged. I called a few people, namely my best friend since age 2 (or earlier?!) and my Family. I texted others in a flurry of emotion, excitement, and disbelief. My heart raced and I had no idea what to do next. (Update my facebook status, obviously!)

I felt like amidst the 9 months leading to my wedding day and the two weeks following when I moved into my new Connecticut home- I felt and visibly saw many friendships that I considered special, dwindle. Many weren't genuinely excited for my engagement. Many didn't come to my wedding. Many didn't keep in contact with me after I moved.

I can say, that even nearly 5 years later, I can see that sometimes- distance doesn't actually make the heart grow fonder. I've seen once strong friendships turn into random "how are you?" facebook messages- and making childhood plans turn into- "Oh, you're getting married? Congratulations!"

I hate that.
I SO hate that.

I'm totally nostalgic when it comes to friendships.
For me, once you've created a bond- whether you're 5 or 50, it's always there.  Whether you move away, gain a degree, a spouse, or a child...at one time, you and that person (people) had a strong relationship.And, I truly, have never been able to accept that people "just grow apart".

I can, however, see that sometimes- you quit working at your friendship.

I have always considered myself, up until the last year or so, at the top of the totem pole. Which is ridiculous on my part. I should never look at myself and think, "Dang! I'm an awesome friend! Go me!"

And so today, in the last hour, I've decided that instead of pointing out those who I think could try harder. Or looking sadly at the past- to friendships I miss- I'm going to work harder to make those friendships stronger, to rekindle the good times.

And so, I won't be the best friend you'll ever have.

But, I'm sure going to try to be a good one.

This is Me (Part one of....a million?)

In my "find myself this year" journey that I've decided to go on. (Wow, cheesy Amanda...)... I've discovered a few things about myself that I can definitely confirm.

1) I'm outgoing in general, but feel no need to make myself center of attention.

2) I cry a lot. When I'm really happy. Really sad. Really frustrated. I used to really, really despise this. It happened after my first real relationship in high school. When we broke up- my tear ducts apparently decided to release themselves....till the end....of time.  Whatever. I've finally accepted that I cry.
Wahhhhh.

3) I'm a homebody. I'm 25. And I'm a homebody. I would rather be at home, curled up with my Huz, laughing at stupid humor on The Goldbergs....than be out at a party of any kind.

4) I'm good at makeup. I don't know the right brushes or techniques...but I make myself look alright, I think. :)

5) I have a BIG heart for animals. If I see a stray cat, I will halt any and all plans and spend as much time as I can trying to snatch it up and make it my fur babe. Haha. :) It's just who I am. A person dies in a movie? In general it's like...."Meh. Ok. But are the pets OK?? Did the horses escape that tornado? Did the dog make it out of the boat in time before the lava lake gobbled him up?!?!?!?!"

C'est moi. :)



....007, the best sick buddy a girl could ask for!

Lightin' Up.

I find that while so many people are trying to stop focusing on social media (which is awesome!)- I'm trying to get more from it.

It's amazing to me how inspired I get from other's photos and captions via instagram- and recently there was a woman that I follow, who said that this Year she wants to "Light up the Room". And as soon as I saw that, I was like....BAM! YES!

This Year, I want to light up the room.
Not with my out-of-this-world good looks, shockingly I know, but with my heart. With my smile. With my demeanor. With my attitude.

It's not going to happen over night- but I'm working on it. I'm absorbing good things from all over and applying it to my life.

To my knowledge, I've never been one to light up the room. In fact, I'm pretty sure that up until a few years ago, I completely gave off the wrong impressions with my unknowingly cranky glances and expressions. (Sorry about that, people! Apparently I just have a cranky face, haha).

I encourage you to do the same. Give off a good impression inside AND out.

Shielding my Skin from Snowpocalypse

This Winter has been extra harsh on my skin and generally speaking, I spend the first month or two of the Season trying to find a skincare regimen that works at keeping the dryness at bay.

The week I noticed dryness creeping in (it was so much earlier this year!)- I went to Target because I know they have locally unique beauty items compared to say, Wal-Mart.

I've always been drawn to and have had good results using the "Boots Botanics" products and thankfully, because they aren't the MOST inexpensive products, they didn't let me down.

These two items have been my life savers this Season.

I wash my face with an all-natural acne beauty bar, splash my face with cold water to close up my pores- and then put on the 100% Organic Facial Oil to lock in the moisture. Immediately after, I apply the Face Super Balm- it always makes my face look shiny for awhile- so don't plan on going anywhere right after unless you want to look like you have the oiliest skin on the planet.  Sometimes, I also put another moisturizer on top of that- just to seal it all in.

I have really smooth, clean and moisturized skin right now....if I do say so myself:)

So, if you're looking for a skin saver this Winter- try these products or a similar routine and see how it works out for you.

A Post You Need To Read

It was on our last evening in Michigan that I had decided to stay up later than usual, watching my Mom prepare and bake something scrumptious for Church the following day.
She was making a Raspberry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake. (Yes, it's as good as it sounds...)

She was pulling ingredients from the refrigerator and I was painting my nails in a thick layer of sparkles-to try and be somewhat festive for coming Christmas parties....when all of a sudden she turns to me and asks;

"Do you know who you are?"

I was baffled. I can't recall anyone point blank-face to face- asking me such a simply complex question.

I asked her what she meant and she continued.

"Well. It's only in the last few years that I've finally realized who I really am.
I'm goofy and funny. I don't teach adults but I'm excellent with kids. I can't
sing or play piano. I'm not really...polished. But, that's me and I'm OK with
that. I just hope that it doesn't take you as long as it's taken me to realize that
you can't be anyone else but yourself."

I really struggled to keep the tears at bay- first because of how honest and open Mom was being with me. I love that our relationship is becoming more that way-and we're learning and understanding each other in ways that would have never been possible only a few years ago. And second, because I realized....

I don't really know who I am.

That's a pretty unnerving feeling.
I'm determined to let myself go this year- in order to find myself. I will learn to accept that while some people are seemingly perfect (in my eyes) or they have a quality or talent that I long to have- it's okay to leave them as inspirational people in my life. To appreciate them....not try and BE them.

There are things that I am and things that I am not.
We're human and that's the way things are meant to be.
Full of diverse gifts, talents, and qualities.

Find and embrace yours in 2014.

Home Tour: Part III

And, we're back to the tour.
I completely forgot that I hadn't finished these posts.

Today, we're heading up the stairs and getting a quick peek at our tiny bathroom & going into probably my favorite room in the house. The Master Bedroom.

I think I've mentioned this in the other posts- but one of my "needs" after living in a small apartment with random, small windows- was great natural lighting. Our bedroom has 3 large windows in just the right places and every Morning I get a dose of pinky orange sunrise.

Originally our room, like most in the house, was some variant of yellow. Our bedroom was, mustard. A very loud color for the walls. So we painted it a soothing gray-blue and I adore it.

Also, I think the best thing my Husband has ever purchased (well, one of the many...) is our large Ikea dresser. I think it's the epitome of everything I love. Coziness. Clean. Fresh. Elegant. Simple.

 

 

 

Below, is my side of the bed. With our favorite, down comforter. (thanks MIL!)

 

This is Kyle's side.

(Yes, if you're noticing the different comforters. The photos were taken on different days!)

 

Made these yesterday on a whim. Definitely homemade, but full of love :)

"I adore you, my darling"

We have two of these laundry bins, from Home Goods!

 

Kitty Spot, of course.

 

 

 

Michigan Time

Follow along on my instagram :amosven or look up #michigantime to see picture updates of our trip.

Backyard Scenes. Such a soothing view.

 

Every Year, the day before it's time to leave Michigan, I slip the idea of staying another day into K's mind and then gently (or not so) try to convince him that it's the best idea, ever.

He always says, no.

But this Year, it was a YES.

 

Christmas, made!

 

Instead of leaving early tomorrow Morning, we'll be heading out early Sunday Morning. I'm not sure you understand how excited I am about this.

 

We've had an amazing trip. It's been quick and full of buying presents (so last minute this year!!)- but there has been so much laughter. And laughter solves a multitude of issues.

 

I'll have trip-in-review posts up after Sunday, full of pictures.

 

But today, I just wanted to check in since my blog has been sleepy without warning.

O' Christmas Tree

 

We put up our Christmas Tree promptly after Thanksgiving Dinner.

Through coughs and sneezes we set up our tree and decorated it with ornaments we purchased in our first year of marriage, that we've received as gifts, and those that were ours as children. 

Our tree is fake, and cute, and I think we love that it looks the same every year. We can count on that same, cute, sparkling tree year after year.

After the tree though, I realized we didn't have much more to decorate with.  Our apartment was a lot smaller than our house- and we literally have only decorations to barely fill our living room and
dining room.

I've also realized that 25 days is hardly enough time to enjoy Christmas decor when you're gone for 7 days of the 25.

I think next Year, we'll buy more decorations ahead of time.
I want to cover the fireplace with a pretty garland. Purchase a Poinsettia, get Chistmasy dish towels, a few more nutcrackers, and I'd love to get a string or two of lights for the outside.

I'm also debating new stockings.
I adore our childhood stockings- Kyle's handmade and mine a cute little puppy (very fitting, if you know me at all)- but maybe it's time to start a new tradition?

Oh...so many ideas, so little time!

What is your favorite Christmas decoration?

Rapunzel (Haircut Suggestions)

A little history on the hairs atop my head.

I was born with a lot. Thick, frizzy and curly. (..unruly, crazy, fro-esque)

In 8th grade I began getting my hair chemically straightened and at the time- those little claw clips in different colors were SUPER popular. And I could finally make them work with my new sleek locks.

So as I got older, I started noticing the damage the straightening was causing (duh)-and so I haven't had my hair straightened in about 3 years. Which is a HUGE deal....and A LOT more work for me.

Since living in Connecticut, I've gotten my hair cut once a Year. (Gasp! I know! You haven't seen split ends until you've seen mine, basically.)
I've tried a few stylists here and have had awful experiences.
Everything from smokey breath in my face, being hit in the head with a hair dryer, and being told that they wouldn't cut my hair as requested because they were too afraid.

So!
I stick with my favorite stylist back in Michigan, whom I see....once a Year.

To my great joy, that haircut is approaching and I tell ya what. It's like the best time of my year.  I'm debating what to do with it.

Here are a few of my past styles vs. now. (UGH.)

I would LOVE your opinions!
Short, side-swept bangs?
Layers?
Long bangs?
One length?
Short?

Now

Love the bangs

 

 

This style is so hot right now.

Oh...I mean...

 

 

This style is about the same as now, just lighter I think.

 

 

This is about as short as I've gone in a long time

 

 

 

This was...8th grade-ish. I don't mind the shorter hair, but I don't think I could pull it off without the chemical straightener... (I'm on the right ;) )

 

 

The Way It Went.

Our Thanksgiving went down a little differently than either Hubs or I had anticipated.

1) We woke up moody.
2) We had scratchy throats, runny noses, and coughs.
3) We realized our kitchen was tough to prepare Thanksgiving meals in.
4) We cancelled dessert at my in-laws, so that no one else was contaminated with our germs.
5) We spilled turkey juice, all over the floor.
6) Hub's Apple Crisp. Well.  . . . . It was more like Apple Mush, bless his heart.

The whole day felt like this emotional-filled frenzy.

But a few super cool things happened, that totally trumped the ridiculous.

As I was preparing our Thanksgiving Table- I found myself staring the table down. Walking around it. Putting things on & taking things off.  Finding perfect angles with my camera. Picking the best placement for table settings and making sure we had plenty of pretty dishes for photos.

But then, I don't know exactly what- maybe God- slapped me in the face and was like, "This is THANKSgiving! Enjoy yourself.  Count your blessings."
So, instead of setting everything up for the perfect photo-filled Thanksgiving Blog today. I decided instead, to put my camera away. And dish up from the kitchen and enjoy a simply set table for my Husband and I.

It was calming.
It was peaceful.
There was good conversation.

And while that was freeing for me- realizing that as much as you, sweet readers, love photos of EVERYTHING. (I do!!) - sometimes it's nice to live inside each moment and then immediately store it in a little memory file. Instead of a blog post to amaze and astound.

One such moment, my favorite of the day, came when while clearing dishes- I handed Kyle a plate and he said, "Hey Babe? Thanks for being here. In Connecticut."

Ohhhhh my lanta.
I felt my eyes water a bit as I looked away with a smile, finding the next plate to hand over.  Sometimes, those little things-confirm bazillions of other things.

Thanksgiving was sick-filled, love-filled, and apple mush-filled.

Hope your Day was just as fulfilling.

Don't Focus on That!

Ever have those Weeks (or days, which sounds nicer...) where you just want to curl up in bed because you feel unsettled about life?

Ugh.

Me, too.

Last night was one such night and I found myself wallowing in despair of one thing or another. And woke up this Morning feeling like maybe I had too much to drink last night (I had water) and also, feeling sorry for myself.

I was browsing Instagram and found a photo that changed my entire thought process.

It wasn't the photo, it was the verse connected to the photo.

" For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. " Proverbs 23:7.
Whatever you focus on, you become.


How stinkin' true is that?!
I could note several reasons why I wallow every few days about something silly (and sometimes, truly, not entire silly)- things like, having no close friends nearby. Or not having other co-workers to converse with. Or not being entirely happy with my current physical state.

But at the end of any day, it's all about what I focus on that makes me who I am. 
And honestly, that makes me want to go outside, dig myself a hole, and go hide in it. (While it's raining, for more effect.) 

Because all too often I focus on tomorrow, or next week, or next Summer even. And I freak out. I become anxious and sometimes, not pleasant to be around. (Here Mom, I'll say it for you. "I feel sorry for Kyle." )

I want to choose, Joy.